chock-a-blog

I was teasing Jack. I wanted to talk about his day; he wanted to watch Martha Speaks on PBS Kids. "Jack," I said. "Will you be my friend?" He rolled his eyes. "You're my mom ." "Can't I be your friend,too?" "If you're my mom, you're pretty much, like, everything ." He got to watch Martha Speaks. I watched it with him.

On Saturday I started reading Infinite Jest. On Monday I heard that David Foster Wallace committed suicide the previous Friday. I wonder if that's what he meant to do. Hope you don't continue to haunt me, DFW. Hope you find some peace.

well it's my birthday, too. Yeah.

...three of the kids in my preschool class have called me Mama. I like that.

made an apron for D, who is my neighbor and also in my preschool class. When she saw it, D exclaimed with delight, "My apron!" She put it on immediately and didn't take it off all night. Thanks, Mom. She loves it. Aren't they cute together? Jack's on his knees, for crying out loud.

We had an exhausting week what with the beginning of school and all. I would have appreciated a nice, relaxing weekend, but what I got was a weekend full of birthday parties, a sleep-over, and date night for me and DH. Don't get me wrong: it was a lovely weekend. I just needed a little more downtime. Anyhoo, we went to a birthday party for Jack's preschool friend Nathan at Sunrise Tae Kwan Do. The party begin with some floor work. Then they lined up for an obstacle course. Here's Jack in line before the music started. Here's Jack in line after the music started. He hears anything techno, he can't keep his body still. I hope raves are WAY out of fashion when he becomes of age. After the obstacle course, Jack was reluctant to join in any of the other activities. He hovered around the edges. He drank a juice. He sat by me. "What's up?" I asked. "Why don't you want to do the Tae Kwan Do?" "Mommy? Is that the Wizard Goblin?" "W...

and I've been so busy with my own first week of school as a lead teacher that I haven't had time to blog about it. My new schedule keeps me from dropping off Jack at school in the morning. That privelege now belongs to DH, who forgot the camera on the first day of school. We're settling for a few pictures from the second day of school. See him there in the middle, shining brightly? He makes me so proud. After he got home from school on Monday, his first day, Jack immediately turned on the TV and zoned out over an episode of Spongebob on DVD. And I let him, because I felt like I'd been through the wringer myself. As I emptied his lunchbox I noticed he'd eaten most of his lunch, something he never did in kindergarten. I said to him, "Jack, you ate all your lunch!" He turned away from the TV and said, "Mom. Let me tell you. It's like this." (Most of his stories begin this way.) "You don't get to eat a snack in the morning. At lunchtime ...

I'm standing by a storage cabinet in between the bathroom and the kids' play kitchen, watching the activity in the classroom. Chloe sits at the table, drawing a picture with markers. "Miss Becky," she says, "why do you have a voice like a princess?" Nobody, I mean nobody, has ever described my voice as princess-like. "Do you think I have a voice like a princess?" I ask. "Yes," she says. "I do." all the while smiling, that perfect lisp and those gorgeous cheekbones. Meanwhile, a royal subject petitions the princess from the bathroom: "Miss Becky, will you wipe my bottom?" and there's Zach, pantless, assuming Downward Dog in front of the toilet. I love my job.

yesterday a year ago

kindness Susan, you're a rock star. I'll be wearing my sulu design earrings tomorrow on the first day of school. thank you!

I'm talking with Zach while he's helping me clean cubbies on Thursday before school begins. Tucson is a small town; through freecycle I've met a relative of Zach's. I decide today to ask Zach about him. "Do you have an Uncle Dave?" I say. "No." "An Uncle David?" "No." "Maybe a cousin. Maybe your mom's cousin. Is there a cousin in your family named David?" "All my cousins are little like me when I was a baby." "Some cousins are grown up." "Yeah. And they're with God." "I have cousins who are grown up, and I'm a cousin who's grown up. But I hope it's a long time before I'm with God in heaven." "Yeah. And when you go up there to heaven with God, I don't think you should wear that necklace." OK, then.

Last night during the highly ritualized routine of toothbrushing, as Jack rinsed the nozzle of his toothpaste, drained the water, and replaced the cap, he aligned the letters on the top with the letters on the bottom and said, "That's so perfect. It's as it should be." Yikes.

The last few weeks have brought significant change to my work life. Members of the governing board at the preschool encouraged me to interview for a lead position in the older threes' classroom. In whirlwind time I interviewed, contemplated the offer, and accepted. It's not a lateral shift. As a lead I've accepted more responsibility and more accountability, but I'll be sharing those burdens in a co-lead situation with a teacher new to the school. I'm anxious and excited. I'm not the only assistant teacher who interviewed for the position. There's been some drama, behind us now, from which we've emerged stronger. Tomorrow starts Teacher Week, when we prepare ourselves and our rooms for the kids to come next Monday. I've been preparing myself mentally over the past two weeks. My anxiety is almost always the result of inactivity and anticipation. The anxiety and nervousness will melt away when I'm in the thick of it. And today, when I left my house...

and this one wasn't run over by a rolls royce Though she was about the size of the one that was. Found her outside when I took the recyclables to the corner. Cassie tried to eat her. Look at that s-t-retch. Tough for her to climb the rip-rap. She'd get to a certain point, then couldn't teeter her shell over and down she'd go. So finally I helped her and bid her farewell. Away she went into the desert. Maybe I'll see her again.

Jack at Heroes & Villains

"Mommy, can we go see Gameboy 2?" "Gameboy 2 . . . Is it a movie or a show?" "A movie." "At the theater or on TV?" "At the theater." "Is there a Gameboy 1?" "Yes. You know? That big red guy?" " Hell boy?" "Yes! Can we go see Hellboy 2?" "I don't think so."

After work today I helped clean the preschool. I get paid $9.25 an hour to teach seventeen children in an NAEYC-accredited preschool. I get paid $10.00 an hour to sweep, mop, vacuum, and clean the bathrooms after all the kids have gone home. Geez.

She studied his face. Despite his charm, she sensed a streak of cruelty. He might seduce women, she thought, but if that failed he would rape them. His skin was weathered by outdoor living, and he had the red nose of a drinker. His clothes were costly but dirty. "I know who you are," she said. "Aren't you afraid you'll be punished for your sins?" "If I believed that, I wouldn't have committed them. Are you afraid you'll burn in Hell?" It was a question she normally sidestepped, but she felt that this dying outlaw deserved a true answer. "I believe that what I do becomes part of me," she said. "When I'm brave and strong, and care for children and the sick and the poor, I become a better person. And when I'm cruel, or cowardly, or tell lies, or get drunk, I turn into someone less worthy, and I can't respect myself. That's the divine retribution I believe in."

Poor Tiny. She tries to get away from her rat babies, who are sucking the life out of her. She's so damned exhausted her little naked body looks like pantyhose after you've taken them off. Still, she's nervous when one is removed from the cage. The little suckers are awful damn cute. Focus on the markers in the background, but hey... look at at that little hand gently poised over Tiny's pride and joy. You should have heard the noises Brazey made: soft little cooing noises as he petted the rat baby.