Skip to main content

sick and tired

Same morning. Same songs. Same route. I've been thinking about body image, health, and media sabotage; personal goals or lack thereof; negative versus positive energy. I've been channeling way more negative energy than positive energy. Rather than bitch about it, which is what I'd planned on doing, I'm instead allowing that negative energy to attract its opposite. Like the monsoon thunderheads rolling in from the northeast, I feel that positive energy on the horizon.

Maybe it's just lightning and thunder. Maybe it's the climactic change that ends the drought.

first
Each morning on my walk I think to myself, "I could walk forever." But I don't. I walk my usual 2 miles and then go home, park myself in front of the computer, and fritter away 20 minutes or more playing "just one more round" of Pathwords. So I'm gonna walk. Today I walked 2.04 miles. Tomorrow I'll walk 3.5 miles. Gradually I'll build to 10 miles or so, time allowing, of course, until one Saturday morning I'll walk to my sister's house (16.7 miles). Maybe one day (or three) I'll walk to my parents' house (138 miles). Don't freak out, Mom. It's just a crazy hair.

second
I don't feel good about my body. I often feel powerless around food. My BMI edges toward overweight for my height. I eat a lot of junk, often without thinking about it. I'm making a sincere effort to stay away from processed and instead eat real food. See what happens.

in conclusion
I could just be feeling crummy. Maybe when the moon wanes, when my hormones cycle back to normalcy, when I no longer have all these kids in my house and I'm able to jump in the car and go somewhere whenever I please... maybe I'll feel better then. Maybe I don't do any of this stuff.

Maybe I do.

Comments

auntie m said…
I always say that I could walk forever and some day want to walk the 21 miles around Grand Island. Maybe this will be the summer that I do it.
Ana said…
I love your openness; you are right on about all of it.
Great goals. Let me know how I can support you.
Loves.

Popular posts from this blog

memory

wedding gift

On Saturday Dave's cousin Traci is getting married. At the last minute we decided to fly to Ames for the wedding and to see everyone who will be in attendance there. At the last minute, I decided to crochet a throw as a wedding gift. I just finished. The colors in this first picture are true; the other two pictures were taken with flash so the colors look brighter than they really are. I started last Monday night with 7 skeins of Lion Brand Chenille Thick and Quick in Periwinkle. It's 72 single crochet in the back loop only for as many rows as you want. Then single crochet around in a contrasting color. I chose Wine. I bought the yarn at Big Lots for half the retail price. It's long and skinny but very texturally appealing. Though all skeins were of the same dye lot, you can see that the top and bottom skein are definitely different, not so much in color as in texture. It's pure dumb luck that they ended up at the top and bottom. It's not perfect, but neither is mar
Jack doesn't have many "activities." I don't relish the thought of driving him to soccer, piano lessons, gymnastics, tae kwon do, KidzArt, swim team, T-ball, so on, and so forth. Not to say that I don't recognize the value of these activities, but I witness firsthand the toll a full schedule takes on little ones. On Monday nights Jack and his cousin participate in Young Champions of America Karate, which is more about learning discipline, respect, and self defense than it is about martial arts. Recently we've picked up a new activity, which is also about learning discipline, respect, and creativity: Tucson Lego Club. He was invited to join by Nathan and Lucas, friends from church who also attended the preschool a few years ahead of Jack. Here he sits between them, at a table surrounded by 6 other boys, each of them building a lavish Lego creation. Members spend an hour building and fraternizing, sometimes more fraternizing than building, but at the end of the