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sick and tired

Same morning. Same songs. Same route. I've been thinking about body image, health, and media sabotage; personal goals or lack thereof; negative versus positive energy. I've been channeling way more negative energy than positive energy. Rather than bitch about it, which is what I'd planned on doing, I'm instead allowing that negative energy to attract its opposite. Like the monsoon thunderheads rolling in from the northeast, I feel that positive energy on the horizon.

Maybe it's just lightning and thunder. Maybe it's the climactic change that ends the drought.

Each morning on my walk I think to myself, "I could walk forever." But I don't. I walk my usual 2 miles and then go home, park myself in front of the computer, and fritter away 20 minutes or more playing "just one more round" of Pathwords. So I'm gonna walk. Today I walked 2.04 miles. Tomorrow I'll walk 3.5 miles. Gradually I'll build to 10 miles or so, time allowing, of course, until one Saturday morning I'll walk to my sister's house (16.7 miles). Maybe one day (or three) I'll walk to my parents' house (138 miles). Don't freak out, Mom. It's just a crazy hair.

I don't feel good about my body. I often feel powerless around food. My BMI edges toward overweight for my height. I eat a lot of junk, often without thinking about it. I'm making a sincere effort to stay away from processed and instead eat real food. See what happens.

in conclusion
I could just be feeling crummy. Maybe when the moon wanes, when my hormones cycle back to normalcy, when I no longer have all these kids in my house and I'm able to jump in the car and go somewhere whenever I please... maybe I'll feel better then. Maybe I don't do any of this stuff.

Maybe I do.


auntie m said…
I always say that I could walk forever and some day want to walk the 21 miles around Grand Island. Maybe this will be the summer that I do it.
Ana said…
I love your openness; you are right on about all of it.
Great goals. Let me know how I can support you.

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